With the pillow up against the window and my sunglasses on, I tried to shut out the world as Teri drove back from what should have been a renewing retreat. Yes, my skull was on the verge of cracking open, but that wasn’t the real issue. I was sulking…but God would have none of it.
Every now and then I would peek an eye open and catch a glimpse of the world whizzing by. I was frustrated and mad. I was hurting and angry. I wanted to get away for the weekend and enjoy time with friends, but I also had wanted to get away from the storms that have been blowing over me this last month or so. I felt like life was whizzing by me just like the scenery out my window. I felt like God had been blowing by me to.
I peeked one eye open then sat straight up. I can’t put into words what I saw. It’s impossible. I’ll try for the simple reason I am trying to share it, but honestly, there are no words. One side of the road was blue sky and white clouds. Rays of light were streaming down as if through the heavens. The other side of the road were rolling storms, oppressive and yet awe strikingly beautiful; untamed, barely contained power lay in the ready to unleash its wrath down upon the open road before us. We were far from safety.
The division down the center of the road was not only jaw dropping, it was conversation stopping. It even stopped my sulking. I have gone back to that image in my head over and over. If God can create, direct, tame, and disperse the storms in the sky so concretely and intentionally, do I have any wonder that he can do the same in my life?
Usually when you see something like this it is enough to make you sit up and go “Wow.” But it had a huge impact on me because recently I honestly just stopped praying. Not entirely, not completely. Not because I didn’t believe there was a God, not because I didn’t want change… Just because I was tired and because I guess – well -I dont know why. I just did. I was in a messy state of “overwhelmed”. But God saw me anyway. He has a way of doing that. He doesnt care how messy we are – He just wants us to turn to Him and ask for help.
So I used a whole kleenex box and let out all my worries, my fears, my anxieties, and yeah, I even told Him what I didnt think HE could fix. I told HIM that! Guess what HE did? He took it. He not only allowed me to vent, but he took my heavy load off my back and said He’d carry it. THEN, the next day… and no, this is not how it usually works… the next day the very thing I said He could never fix, He did. In a swift amazing turn, He just fixed it and left me to stand in wonder again as if watching Him roll back those clouds on the backroad a month ago.
If you want to know the details, I will tell you. But the details are not the point. The point is that GOD can do anything. If there are obstacles, they are just that. The hand that can create the thunder can also hold my heart. He hears, He cares, He loves, and he takes care of us. The catch is this… #1 is you have to want him to take care of you… and #2 you have to be willing for him to do it HIS way with a HUGE dose of #3. What is #3? It’s the hard one… #3 is that He does it in His timing, for His glory.
When it seems that the last call is over, the song has been sung… when you are sure there is no hope left… just remember to firmly plant your feet on the waves of rolling thunder. God is never late. Even when it doesn’t work out like we want – like for us this last few weeks – it was the way He wanted it for HIS glory, not ours. He always cares, even when it hurts. Dagnabit it makes it hard to stand firm sometimes! I’ll be frank! I really found it hard to pray when knee deep in the muck… but on the beginnings of the upside of this messy bit, I can honestly say that it is much better to do it with him as my foothold than going it alone.
I am sure I will forget this and screw up again one day, not too far in the future. That’s human nature for ya. But I am blessed beyond belief that God not only can command the storms but can choose to forget my shortcomings.
Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteious fall. Psalm 55:22